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Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
London Times Obituary of the late Mr. Common Sense
'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old
friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth
records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable
lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why
the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair;
and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable
strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when
well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in
place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from
school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired
for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his
condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked
teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed
to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to
get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin
to a student; but could not inform parents when a student
became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches
became businesses; and criminals received better treatment
than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own
home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a
woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was
hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly
awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents,
Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter,
Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his
4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone
Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized
he was gone.
'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old
friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth
records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He
will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable
lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why
the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair;
and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies
(don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable
strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when
well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in
place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual
harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from
school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired
for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his
condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked
teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed
to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to
get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin
to a student; but could not inform parents when a student
became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches
became businesses; and criminals received better treatment
than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you
couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own
home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a
woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was
hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly
awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents,
Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter,
Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by his
4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone
Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized
he was gone.
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